The only constant ‘they’ say is that we all die.
As my 49th birthday approaches I am reminded that I’m getting older and with age comes death. In the last few years I have lost 2 uncles that were close to me, an aunt who again was close to me and just yesterday was called by my cousin who told me my cousin (her brother) had just passed. He was no more than 55.
Now I have different views on this death thing. Weird. Sometimes I think that you only live once and hell, just do it up! We all gotta go so do whatever the hell you wanna do! Party, drink, smoke and carry on like I was 20.
Than other times I think I want to ride this life out to a ripe old age. I can only imagine what life will be like when I’m in my 80’s. How my family will be. Who my family will be. And what ailment is going to take my life.
I guess where I am right now is that I need to take better care of myself. Have known this for years but life and my lifestyle have been less then desirable and I’ve become so used to just doing the same ol shit and not taking the full responsibility to make a change. I’ve become aloof and lazy about tending my body:/
I need help. I am looking to my husband to help me with quitting smoking. I have smoked for years and quit for years since I was about 16. These last few years I have tried to quit several times and failed. I need back up! I so wish that we could quit together but my baby is a serious creature of habit; good or bad. And I suppose I’m falling right into the worn groove. I want to quit and I need to make the commitment to myself. That’s bad habit #1 that needs to change so I can possibly reach that 80 something mark.
I need to loose more weight. I am happy to say that I have lost 8# in about 6 weeks but I need to keep going. Trying to hit the 125# mark. Pretty sure I can do it. IF I can keep on track. And honestly yesterday was awful:/ I ate a large freaking steak and cheese sub and it laid in my belly like a led brick. I need help!! Someone to say, hey, is that the right choice you’re making to meet your goal?? Cause sometimes I’m just plain stooooopid!! (I’m looking for my hubby to help me out again, here. Pathetic, I know) I asked him to help me with this as well but God love him, he has a hard time keeping up with himself, let alone, me. But again, I need to look to myself.
So those are the main goals I have to overcome this coming 49th year. And the biggest goal being that I suppose I need to look to myself than wait for others to show me the way. But holding my hand and walking with me would be greatly appreciated! Wish me luck!!
I’ve reached a point in my life(due to age perhaps) that I have decided something crucial for my continuation. Inspiration! That’s what it all really comes down to for me. I am so completely bored with the uninspiring parts of life. It doesn’t have to be miraculous to be an inspiration. For…
What inspires me? Kind people, fresh and clean food, camaraderie, respect of family and elders, all of my children (and grand daughter), the beach and ocean, mountains and spring flowers, my band and the music we play, performing, Train’s music!!, my pets! And…………….lots of stuff:))
Little tolerance for (and honestly can be crippling) gossip (right there w/ ya), disrespect, arrogance, narrow mindedness, abuse/bullying in any shape or form, house work! And…………
I just want to let you know I appreciate you taking the time to blog your thoughts to us fans:) You’re the bestest<3
Take care of yourself Mr. Monahan!!!
Everything that I will be writing here for the next long while will be very positive. I go in weird phases when I lose perspective and I whine a tad. Okay I complain a ton.
I’m taking a break from being that way. I am here to write uplifting tales from the fatty under belly of the Tuna. The…
Am I reading this right? Did you dress up as the Cookie Monster? TeHeeee, if you did! Cookie Monster brings back memories of my little brother (who is the same age as you by about 10days) watching Sesame Street. Mom would call him the Cookie Monster and they’d make the CM ‘voice’! Soooo cute, I remember…………
I’m happy you had fam time:) As different as it might feel (assumption on my part) I’ll bet you soaked up the ‘quirks’ of family. And the adoration, for I’m sure that everyone that you were around shared those feelings. You are blessed. I am blessed. We’re all blessed, we just need to realize it!! And what better way to see our blessings as we hug and kiss our children, spouses/lovers, siblings, friends, on and on…………….simple things you would think but so damned precious.
So back to pen and paper (or mac, IDK)? YAY!!! You asked what it was that we get out of your music; what we walk away with/feeling? For me, it would be connection. In a word. You make me feel like ‘I’m not the only one’ to situtions. I wish I could be specific with instrument connection but I can’t. You (Train) are a package. It all works together. I can’t think of any time that I’ve thought ‘man the lyrics are bangin good but the music sucks’ or vise versa. I will say that I LOVE female back ups (clearing throat—‘cause that’s what I do) I really do (love the girls)!! And horns are pretty special, too!! (my band has those, too ;-))) Geez, enuff with ME!! It’s about you, it’s about you:)
But really Pat, connection. Humanity:)
See ya out and about sometime I hope. I’ve been working my ass off (well, kinda, it’s still there and pretty big, lol!) and was only able to get to one of the summer/fall shows. Just missed you in DC at GWU:( Maybe one day I will have the honor and priveledge to sing a song with you all. I was hoping for Bruises at Wolftrap in Vienna, VA (and that is not DC, LOL) but sadly, no. Pergo tweeted me the next night-you all were in Richmond-to sing and I freaked out when I found out I had the chance. But a 3 hr drive wasn’t in the cards that night. BUT, I was making music that night, me and Mojave:)) So it wasn’t quite as painful finding that sometimes I’m a day late and a dollah short!! :P
Have fun in Europe. I love’s ya here in lil ol Winchester, VA:) And like I say over and over, family is good<3
As I watch the Olympic games, I see that what these athletes have done to be the best in the world is limit their limitations. That is no small feat. In fact it seems to be what separates them from others. To be as good as they are you have to never stop pushing. Never stop working to achieve that…
It’s always a pleasure to read your blogs, Pat. What you write I can relate to. I think that we have very similar outlooks on many things. As we watched the Olympics, I had a talk with my 15 yr old son just a few days ago on how wanting something in life requires dedication and drive. Non-stop commitment. We all want. It’s how badly you want that determines the commitment. It’s how badly you think this is the right thing for you (your soul).
Limiting limitations. WOW, had to say that over and over in my head to really let it sink in. You say things that are inspiring to me and for that I thank you:) I will remind myself of these 2 words daily. I’ve got many wants and situations that these words will come in quite handy. For instance, and this is the me, myself and I perspective, it directly can be used before I go on stage. I’m a singer. I am a good singer but I have a handicap. Actually a few. I am 48, 15# heavier than I should be and (here’s the hardest and most personally difficult for me to overcome) have a jacked up smile that makes me sooooo self conscious! BUT—I still can sing. So there, I’ve limited that limitation of being so paranoid I won’t perform it’s just I want (wish) we as humans weren’t so damned judgemental. Especially of appearances. I won’t go on anymore about my selfish insecurities. I’ve taken this blog as a personal message. I’ll just try and use your words more. Wish me luck!
So this blog speaks to my vanity right now. I don’t want you think I’m shallow. (IF you’re even reading this, LOL) I’ll read it several more times and see the bigger picture (I know what it is—just that right now I’m in ME mode) I am grateful that I have a wonderful family who loves me. They are the true driving force to my happiness. Without them my seeds would never break through. Maybe I push on to set an example (which as a parent that IS what we are supposed to do) but maybe every now and again I can be only Cindy and everyone will be alright with that. Everybody calls me Mommy, sometimes I call myself confused. But I AM a kind person and because of that I’ll pat myself on the back and remind myself to limit my limitations:D
Happy touring. See you in NVA on the 21st. Maybe I could sing Bruises with you all.
My road to here has had many turns
These turns have had many views
All the views have taught me well
From these wells, I drank to stay alive
While alive I try to do some good
With this good maybe someone’s life is better
The better you are the better I am
I am among the wild flowers
Crawling into bed at sunrise is pretty lonely. Always feels like the birds are ashamed of me. Hotel rooms are built for people like me I suppose. Thick drapes. Soundscape machines. You name it, there are things to inspire good sleep. Why do none of these things inspire ME? Maybe they do. Maybe
So interested in this idea of yours:)) The dynamics of family are always entertaining!
As I have a free morning to myself I have this opp to write a blog for cyberspace to read or not read just so I can get it off my chest.
You see, I just turned 48 and I swear my life is as complicated as when I was 27 when I had small children, a full time job, ending of my first marriage and a new relationship. Oh and throw in the fact that I lost both of my parents at the age of 19. That, my friends, fucked me up for a long time. But I’m good at diverting emotions as needed. I don’t like to cry in front of people, it’s ugly. I mean, I’m ugly when I cry. So I got real good at not wanting to talk too deeply about the tragedy of my loss.
I am a strong woman, or so I convince myself. But really, I am. I’ve tried to maintain stability and support for my family through decades and I know I have done that. It wasn’t easy 20 or so years ago but I did it. Hell, it still isn’t easy! But I can say that as these years pass my children all come back to me and we enjoy each others company. Too many families out there don’t like each other. They can’t wait to get away from each other. The past has demons for most of us. I don’t think there are too many people who have had a perfect past. I know our family had many demons but I am grateful that, for the most part, we have tried to overcome the bad past and embrace the positive future.
So here I am at 48 still looking to the future but I can tell you that the past likes to show it’s ugly little head regularly. I want it to go away. To only be a memory not have it still visit. So I will put on my happy face, not cry in front of my family and look to the future. Ah, my future. This is where the dilemma at present begins…
I am at the selfish part of my life cycle. Or so it appears. You see, I am a vocalist. And I have been with my band for a little over 3 yrs. Things are progressing well and there is a real chance of traveling and performing. We just started working with a promoter.
The problem is this. My husband used to be in the band but was let go. Here you can insert the past demons as a reason. As you may conclude, he is not happy that I am with the band. He says I have his blessing yet we argue over why “I” would still want to be (in) my band leaders band. Well, cause i like what we do. I have passed up many things in my life because I was busy tending to everyone elses needs. And I like the spot light! What the hell is wrong with that? I’m not crying, I’m joyful and I want you to see THAT.
My husband is a good harp player. But——he needs to seek out without me. Now don’t get me wrong. I love playing with him and we are working on a side project together but it is slow moving and since it’s not moving along as quickly as he would like (guitarist problems) I get to hear him bitching about how I don’t want to play with him and that our project will get put on the back burner. You know what I want? I want him to take the reigns and make things happen instead of always needing me to move things along.
I want him to have the confidence in himself to make things happen for him. I love him dearly but I can’t be in control of all the things that I do do and have him get the credit for being “the man”. Ugh:/ That’s the way it works around here. Grant it in our music scene this rule doesn’t necessarily happen. When we perform together or individually we are recognized independently. What I’m saying is that my husband is a follower. And I want him to start leading.
This is starting to sound like a bashing and I need to stop. The point is that I don’t want to be made to feel guilty for singing with someone else other than my mate. We are together but we need to be separate, too.
The story goes that when I was a baby my mother (who was a classically trained vocalist) began performing with the local theater in Baltimore after having 3 children (actually there were 5 pregnancies). I have playbills and newspaper articles boasting her beautiful voice. Well guess what? My father didn’t like that. Now my father was a good man. A kind man. A loving father but I guess my father was not willing to share my mother’s gift with the world. And as the “good” wife she was, she stopped performing. God. She stopped performing:/
So again, I am selfish. I don’t wanna stop to make my husband happy. I need this. My soul needs this. I don’t know how my mother felt about this. I was just a baby. She had another child and we all grew up to be pretty well rounded kids. I had a happy childhood. I just wonder what she would say to answer that question.
So I’ll take it one day at a time. That’s my mantra these days. We’ll see what happens. I leave it in the lap of the Gods.
Many of you know that I lost my father last week. He was 85 and until recently, looked like he might live to a hundred.
Thank you all for your kind words and the love and condolences. My family and I really appreciate it all and it helped a great deal to know how many people cared about him and…
This will make no sense but, I have few words to say as I know the feel of heart heaviness from these words you write but actually many. :/
RIP to father Monahan. He’s saving a spot. I don’t know about you, but I sure hope that’s true. Hugs to you Pat.
After having 6 kids, my parents took a breather. Can’t blame them. Breather? With having to take care of 6 children, how could anything sound like a breather? Yeah, good point. Well, anyway six years passed and then voila! There I was. Precious, isn’t he.
My dad said I was mature even as a baby,…
Wouldn’t it be nice if we really didn’t give a shit about what other people thought or expected? That would be an easy fix but I think the reality of that is in doing that you loose your desire to do better. And what is wrong with trying to be better?
I think that you are among the majority of humans who never feel that they have done enough; contributed, the right thing. It’s this damned life journey that keeps throwing curve balls when you think you’ve got the game under your cap.
FYI-I’m not fully satisfied with where I am. I think daily if I’m the best I can be and sadly I come up with a NO answer. Covers over the head-then sleep—-but I have tomorrow! (Now I don’t do this every day!) I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up!
Count your blessings, Pat. You have many, I’m sure. We all do. It’s just what you’re perspective is. What I see is that you have(came from) a large family and as I always say—family is good:) , you have your own children and family-what’s that about family? You’re a rock star!! Jinkies, (Thelma moment) that’s gotta count for something!! And I believe (wholeheartedly) that you are one of the greatest songwriters to date. Those are only a few. I know you can list many of them and maybe you should:)
These are just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours. A blue note, but there are many colors that create the rainbow. Let it shine and know there are sooooo many people that love and adore you. I wish you peace:)
I keep writing blogs and tossing them out because I’m not clear enough in my words to you at the time.
I’ve written about the past and SF and Johnny Cash and all sorts of things but nothing has seemed worthy of sending.
I haven’t been ignoring you, I’ve just been cloudy in the point lately.
That must have been exciting! I saw the picture you posted on twitter (I think); nice:)) Seems that it was inspiring to you and humbling?? Anyway…………I can speculate but you’re the one in charge here. I am indeed a rambler.
What I wish for you is to have the time when ever possible to be with the ones you love and need. Sounds like you need this. Wants/needs, you call it. I know that comes off the tongue way too easily but I mean it because I know that I would melt right into the soil if I didn’t have my (for me)family near me and often.
I appreciate all the dedication and sharing you give to your fans and well, to your art,craft,being. You have much respect from me and thanks for offering respect to all us adoring fans. (we) stand by you——we’re forever yours——-faithfully ;-)
There’s a Simon and Garfunkel song that is playing in my head right now that I am singing to you. In my mind-well out loud too, but anyway… ‘Homeward Bound’
All the best to you, Pat.