October

Just blurting here! Throwing out those feelings that I feel I can’t talk about, so I will write. Not that I can’t talk about it, I just don’t think anyone wants to hear or listen or understand. We all get so caught up in our own thoughts and actions; everyday life that I feel like I shouldn’t burden anyone. Besides, they’ve heard it all before. But…………this month is a difficult one for me. Tomorrow will be the 27th year of losing my parents in a car accident. Their car was hit head on leaving my aunt and uncles house by a drunk driver. My father was killed almost immediately. My mother had severe head injuries and died slowly; awful. Tragic, devastating, unfair, so very,very sad. My little brother was also in that accident. He was 14 when it happened. 2 days away from Halloween—-the asshole (that term comes naturally, though over the years I have realized that he has to live with this too and I feel sorry for that) was coming home from a Halloween party. My brother watched my parents die. Too much for a 14 year old to have to deal with. He was smashed up pretty bad too. In the hospital for about a month. I guess I need to just sometimes throw that out there because I just get tired of explaining that to people.  Mainly my family, my husband and my kids. Martin won’t remember—he never does until I crack. My kids can’t relate because, thank God, they’ve never had to. I’m soooo sorry I lost my parents so early in life. I was 19. It kind of f’d me up a bit. I miss them every day. But really badly in October.